I hope this doesn’t turn into anything long haha. But my mother-in-law can drive me absolutely crazy sometimes.
To start off.. We get along pretty well, but not as well as we could because there have been a couple of times in the past where she and my husband were in an argument and she blew up and said some things about me that I did not appreciate at all. My husband is in the Army and we live in Colorado and she’s in New York so we don’t get to see her often. My family is here in Colorado because this is where we met and got married. She lays the long distance grandmother guilt trip on him all of the time. I understand she wants to be closer to see the baby and everything but she always talks about how we get to spend all the time with my family and never with theirs. It gets so old. She also borrows money from us and never pays it back. She just recently bought a brand new car 3 weeks after we lent 0 to her. So that has caused some tension too because we can’t afford to pay our bills and hers as well, especially with a baby coming.
Well she plans on coming out here after the baby is born which is totally fine with me but my husband leaves for Iraq 30 days after the baby is born. So I’d like to have as much alone time as a family as we possibly can. She wants to wait a week or two after the baby is born to give us time to adjust and everything. But she just told me that she plans on coming for 2 weeks!! I don’t know if I can handle 2 weeks. I will appreciate the help and I know she wants to spend time but I feel like it might be too much.
I was just hoping for opinions on what to say or do? Should I let her come that long.. The next time we get to see her won’t be for a while. I know I’ll be able to buck up and handle it if need be but I was just looking for opinions on what you would do in this situation?
Thanks!! 
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July 25th, 2010 - 9:27 pm
I would sit down with your husband and have a talk. You two are the ones who need to call the shots.
I live in Colorado too and thank god my mother in law lives in Texas, much prettier state with her there!
Anyway….My mother in law was aweful to me, she never approved of me or respected me, in fact she would try to get my Husband’s ex from high school to cause drama saying they were sleeping together. So when I told my husband there was no way she was going to be in the room when our baby was born of course that did not go over well. Instead of congratulating and being supportive of her son on the day her grand child was born she would rather sit in the waiting room and call me names and sit in a pitty party.
Then, that Christmas when our daughter was 4 months, my husband proposed to me when he showed her the ring she said "well good luck with that!" That was the last day she ever saw our daughter and that was close to two years ago.
She has to respect you and your wishes. I agree, you and your husband should have as much alone time as possible before he leaves. Maybe, since you two do get along, suggest that she come for two weeks right before he leaves. That way she can see her son for a couple days and help you adjust to being alone. Ultimately this has to be up to you not her. I would tell her like it is, do not let her run you around. Yes she is the grandmother and blah blah blah but your the MOTHER.
July 25th, 2010 - 9:27 pm
my situation isnt completely like yours but it IS similar. my mother in law is coming thursday and i’m due the following week and I already know she is going to tell me what to do and she wants to watch the birth which i keep saying no to (i dont care if she is there, but i dont need her staring my vagina right in the face) I just plan on spending a lot of time alone with my baby in my bedroom and using her help when i truely need it. plus my MIL will cook meals for us and help clean so milk yours for all that too if you can =) good luck girl
July 25th, 2010 - 9:27 pm
If you did not invite her for 2 weeks then dont let her stay that long. You have to be firm with MIL’s or they never get the point. I’d say 1 week would be fine. If she wants to stay in a hotel longer then that would work too. 14 days of nonstop MIL will drive you crazy! Instead of lending her money you should use that to go to NY and visit once the baby is a little older.
July 25th, 2010 - 9:27 pm
I say let her come. This isnt the answer you want to hear but it seems right for just a few reasons. 1. You will be tired and truely want her help at times.
2. Your husband will be going to Iraq. Let him have time with his mother.
3. If worse comes to worse, say you want to be left alone for a few hours (on a day after your husband leaves) and allow your mother and mother in law get to know eachother better.
After all, its only two weeks. Like I said I know you dont want to but maybe it might be your best option.
July 25th, 2010 - 9:27 pm
She may be hard to handle but shes your husbands mother and your baby’s grandmother. you need to hold your breath and let her come and see you and the baby. trust me when shes there you will be able to sleep. when shes gone you will wish she was there to help. Mother in laws change some when you have kids especially when they are baby’s. they tend to be more caring about your need and want to help. give her a chance if she starts to get on your nerves ask her to watch the baby while you take a girls day out with your mom or send her to have a days out with your mom to show her how much you appreciate her help. good luck hun.